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The Big Book of Weird Football

Book 7 · The Museum of Weird

⚽ For Saransh — keeper of strange facts ⚽

A match that finished 149–0. A World Cup found by a dog. A player sold for sausages. A referee who sent HIMSELF off. Every story in this museum really happened — and by the last hall, you'll be the family's chief weirdness officer.

1 Hall One

Scorelines That Shouldn't Exist

Exhibit A

149 – 0

Madagascar · 2002 · world record

The wildest scoreline in history — and here's the twist: the LOSERS scored every goal. Furious about a referee's decision in an earlier match, Stade Olympique l'Emyrne's players kicked the ball into their own net 149 times as a protest. Their opponents just… stood there, becoming world-record winners without touching the ball. It's in the Guinness Book of Records forever.

Exhibit B

36 – 0

Scotland · 1885 · double weirdness

The record for a REAL match: Arbroath 36, Bon Accord 0, in the Scottish Cup. The truly weird part? On the very same day, about 18 miles away, Dundee Harp won 35–0 — and their referee actually counted 37 goals, but accepted the club's honest count of 35. The two biggest wins in British history happened within an hour of each other.

Exhibit C

31 – 0

World Cup qualifier · 2001

Australia 31, American Samoa 0 — the record international win, with Archie Thompson scoring 13 goals himself (also a record). But here's the part worth remembering: American Samoa's real team couldn't travel because of passport problems, so a makeshift squad — average age 18, including three 15-year-olds — played the whole 90 minutes and never once gave up. Records fade. That doesn't.

2 Hall Two

The Trophy That Kept Getting Stolen

Exhibit A

🐕 Pickles: national hero

London · 1966

Four months before the World Cup in England, the actual trophy was stolen from a London exhibition. Police hunted everywhere. Then, a week later, a dog named Pickles — out for an ordinary evening walk — sniffed out a newspaper-wrapped bundle under a garden hedge. The World Cup itself. Pickles became a celebrity, his owner got a reward… and months later England won that very trophy. The tournament's real hero had four legs.

Exhibit B

🕳 Stolen again. Forever.

Rio de Janeiro · 1983

Brazil won that same trophy permanently in 1970. Then in 1983 thieves broke into the Brazilian federation's headquarters and stole it AGAIN — and this time it was never found. Most people believe it was melted down into gold bars, though nobody has ever proved it. Somewhere out there, the most famous trophy in football simply… stopped existing.

It runs in the family: the ORIGINAL FA Cup — the world's first football trophy — was stolen from a shop window in 1895 and never seen again either. Football trophies apparently need bodyguards.

3 Hall Three

Animals On the Pitch

Exhibit A

🐶 The World Cup dog who chose Garrincha

World Cup quarter-final · 1962

During England vs Brazil at the 1962 World Cup, a stray dog invaded the pitch and dodged EVERYONE — until England striker Jimmy Greaves got down on all fours and caught it. The dog thanked him by peeing on his shirt, which he had to wear for the rest of the match. Brazil's superstar Garrincha found the whole thing so wonderful that he took the dog home and adopted it. World Cup, invaded; shirt, ruined; dog, living its best life.

Exhibit B

🐿 There's only one squirrel

Champions League semi-final · 2006

In Arsenal's last-ever European night at Highbury, a grey squirrel sprinted onto the pitch during the semi-final against Villarreal and dribbled past defenders around the penalty area. The whole stadium sang "There's only one squirrel!" It remains one of Highbury's most beloved performances.

Exhibit C

🐕 One scored. One demanded belly rubs.

Chile · 2021 & 2022

In an amateur match in Chile, a pitch-invading dog met a loose ball and headed it into the goal — the video went around the world. A year later, a big black dog stopped a Chile–Venezuela women's international for several minutes by lying down at the goalkeeper's feet and refusing to leave until it got belly rubs. It got the belly rubs. Football is powerless against dogs.

And one bird with a job: before every Benfica home match in Lisbon, a real eagle named Vitória flies around the stadium and lands on the club crest. Attendance: perfect. Salary: presumably mice.

4 Hall Four

Pure Chaos

Exhibit A

⏱ The 6-second own goal

England · 1977

Torquay defender Pat Kruse won the kick-off battle in the worst way imaginable: he headed the ball past his own goalkeeper after six seconds — the fastest own goal in league history. Torquay then scored ANOTHER own goal in the same match. Final score 2–2: they drew with themselves.

Exhibit B

🟥 Red card… after two seconds

Sunday league · 2000

The story goes that the referee blew the kick-off whistle right next to striker Lee Todd — who jumped, blurted out a very naughty word about how loud it was, and was sent off after roughly TWO seconds. His team won 11–2 without him. In professional football, a keeper was once sent off after 13 seconds — and two players managed red cards after zero seconds, fouling before play had even restarted.

Exhibit C

🤯 The referee who sent himself off

England · 2005

In a Sunday league match, referee Andy Wain lost his temper and squared up to a goalkeeper — then realised what he'd done, pulled out his red card, and showed it to himself. "If a player did that, I would send him off," he explained, "so I had to go." The match was abandoned. Honesty: maximum.

Exhibit D

🌫 The goalkeeper in the fog

Christmas Day · 1937

Thick fog swallowed a Chelsea–Charlton match, and the referee abandoned it in the second half. Everyone left. Everyone… except Charlton's goalkeeper Sam Bartram, who stood guarding his goal in the fog, proud that his defence was keeping Chelsea SO quiet. About fifteen minutes later, a policeman loomed out of the mist to tell him the stadium was empty. Newspapers from 1937 confirm it. Dedication: legendary. Awareness: zero.

Exhibit E

🏖 The beach ball that scored, and the goal that went AROUND

2009 & 2013

In 2009, a fan's red beach ball rolled onto the pitch just as Sunderland shot against Liverpool — the shot hit the beach ball, wrong-footed the keeper, and the goal stood (the rulebook actually says it shouldn't have — even referees have off days). And in 2013, a German striker headed WIDE, but the ball slipped through a hole in the side netting into the goal: the famous "ghost goal" counted, and it helped push football toward goal-line technology. Sometimes the weirdness fixes the game.

5 Hall Five

The Strangest Deals Ever Done

Exhibit A

🌭 Sold for sausages

Romania · 2006

Defender Marius Cioara was transferred between two Romanian clubs for a fee of 15 kilograms of pork sausages. When everyone found out and the jokes began, he was so embarrassed he quit football almost immediately — at which point, the story goes, the buying club demanded their sausages back.

Exhibit B

🦐 Worth his weight in shrimp

Norway · 2002

Norwegian striker Kenneth Kristensen was signed for his own body weight in fresh shrimp — about 75 kilograms of it. The clubs reportedly insisted on a proper boxing-style weigh-in, on the docks. Every kilo he weighed cost his new club a kilo of seafood. Motivation to stay fit: complicated.

For scale: Mbappé's transfer valuations have been in the HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS. Somewhere between 15kg of sausages and 180 million euros, football happened.

6 Hall Six

The Hall of Forever

Exhibit A

👑 King Kazu, age 59, still scoring

Japan · right now

Kazuyoshi "King Kazu" Miura turned professional in 1986 — before your parents could ride bicycles — and he is STILL playing professionally in Japan at 59. This July he scored his first goal in four years, and his contract runs into next season, meaning he could be playing after his 60th birthday. Forty-two seasons. One knight of football, refusing to stop.

Exhibit B

🏋️ The keeper who broke the goal

England · around 1900

William "Fatty" Foulke, goalkeeper for Sheffield United and England, weighed around 140 kilograms — the heaviest keeper ever, says Guinness — won two FA Cups, and a Sheffield newspaper of the time reports him snapping a crossbar clean in two by pulling on it. Strikers reportedly reconsidered their career choices at the sight of him.

Exhibit C

💥 The exploding balls of Wembley

FA Cup finals · 1946 and 1947

In the 1946 FA Cup final, the match ball burst mid-game. Weird. The next year, in the 1947 final… it happened again. Weirder: the same club, Charlton, was playing in both finals. Weirdest: the ball had ALSO burst in one of Charlton's league games the week before. Post-war leather was terrible, and Charlton were apparently cursed by physics itself.

India's forever fact: the oldest trophy still being competed for is Scotland's Scottish Cup — but Asia's oldest tournament is India's own Durand Cup, running since 1888. Weird facts live at home too.

? The Final Hall

Believe It or Not?

Twelve claims. Some are real exhibits from this museum. Some I invented to trick you. TRUE or FALSE — trust nothing.